Part One
Me: Okay, who walked around the house eating a cupcake?  Geez, were you born in a barn?
Martin: Mom, Jesus was born in a barn.
Me: Uh, yes.  I guess he was.
Martin: Then why wasn't he a pig?
Me: Maybe his mom never let him eat a cupcake for breakfast.

Part Two
Me: You CANNOT eat a whole bowl of frosting.
Sophie: why not?
Me: Well, it's not good for you.  And it will give you a big butt.
Sophie: Well, you have a big butt.
Me: I've eaten too much frosting.
Sophie: Can I eat too much frosting.
Me: No.
Sophie: Can I just have two, three, four scoops?
Me: No.  Just one.
Sophie: Okay, one big butt scoop.

Part Three
Me: Sophie, do you need to use the bathroom?
Sophie: Mom, don't worry about gas.  It's just a butt breathing.

Side note: we're nothing if not classy.